It's been a while...I know. I have the most handsome 5 month old keeping me busy. We're now sleeping in our big boy crib, well not much sleeping is going on but that's where we're parking our self for the night, trying solids, laughing at mama and all her silly songs and faces, growing like a weed, teething, and trying to sit up on our own. My cup runneth over!
Tonight, my husband looked at me as he was drying the dishes and putting them away, and asked, "Are you happy with our life?" "Absolutely!" I am more than satisfied with the season we are in and the path God has us on. There is not one thing I would change.
However, this new mama is exhausted.
Yes, I am so in love with our little feisty man cub... Yes, I have experienced more joy than I could have ever imagined... Yes, being a mama is the greatest, most wonderful, most significant job God could ever give me... and Yes, y'all, I am so tired. Being blessed with the opportunity to stay home and raise him has been incredible and most days I wake up, throw my shoulders back, and tell myself, "Girl, you've got this!" But some days, I'll be honest, I feel like I'm just "getting by."
Now, I'm not writing this in hopes that you'll feel sorry for me. Not at all, no sympathy is needed here. I am writing this because I feel like one of you mamas out there probably feels the same way. You need to hear that you are so appreciated, reminded that you are doing a good work and you cannot come down (you can read more about this in Nehemiah), that some days, "just getting by" is ok, and that you are so dang gorgeous doing this mama thing. I mean look at you! You haven't showered in 3 days, you can't remember the last time you brushed your teeth, you would like to say it was yesterday but you're really not sure, makeup is a thing of the past, along with your deodorant, you have successfully gone an entire week without putting on a real bra, and you're still looking beautiful!
How can I say this, you ask? Because of the way that little bear looks at me, with his little sideways grin and eyes sparkling...that's how. I have found no greater joy under the sun than that little grin, because to me, it means, "Mama, I love you and you are beautiful!" And that's what your little one is telling you, too!
If you would have told me a year ago that it was possible to be weary and overflowing with joy, I don't know that I would have believed you. But as I sit here tonight, those two emotions are the strongest I feel.
I feel awful typing it. It sounds like such an ugly word... especially in regards to motherhood. But there's nothing ugly about it if it ushers us to the feet of the One who beckons the weary to come to Him.
Last night, when I was awakened for the fifth time in 2 hours by our little bear, who we recently moved to his room, I fumbled my way to his crib, whispered in his ear, "It's ok baby, mamas here," nursed him and rocked him back to sleep. After laying him back down, I dropped to my knees...and y'all, I cried.
I began praying, asking God for sleep for the little bear and sleep for his crazy mama, for strength to continue this midnight routine, and for a little peace of mind...and you know what? The Lifter of My Head met me there. In the wee hours of the morning, He wrapped me in His arms and whispered in my ear, "It's ok baby, Daddy's here." In that moment, as I so desperately wanted sleep for my child so that I could experience a little rest myself, God met me on my knees. He reminded me that just as I wanted rest for little bear, He wants rest for me, and that He is a God who does not sleep (Psalm 121:3-4). And that, my sweet sister, is where I find joy in the midst of being weary. It's ok, Abba is here...and He does not slumber or sleep. "He will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." (Jeremiah 31:25)
Mama, I hope you feel encouraged! You are so dang beautiful and you just keep getting it, girl! Today, you might have just gotten by, but tomorrow is a new day...praise God, His mercies are new each and every morning!