It's hard to believe you've been here for a little over 4 weeks... tomorrow you will be one month old. You have been pure joy, my child, pure joy. Watching your big brothers love on you and care for you has grown my heart in ways that I didn't know were possible. Oh how we prayed for you. And you will never understand what a gift you are to your daddy and me. I always knew I wanted a house full of youngins. Being an only child, the chaos and wrestling and volume and mess and full table were always a draw for me. After your brother turned 18 months, we knew we were ready to try again. We didn't know it would take a year and heartache to conceive you. But there we were, September 2018, dancing on the table with 3 positive pregnancy tests, choosing joy and hope over fear. Every moment in anticipation of your arrival was a song of thanksgiving to our good God, because that is what He is, always, no matter the circumstances-- GOOD!
I knew your birth story would look dramatically different than your brothers. You would be a scheduled c-section. There would be no labor pains, hours of pushing, and hours of waiting for you to make your appearance. Although, knowing the exact time and date of our going to the hospital felt a little strange to me, and I can honestly say, I felt a bit more anxious. The evening of May 8, as I laid your brothers down for bed for the last time with you inside my womb and you know I cried. Change. It was coming. And I knew you would be just fine, and after months of prayer, I knew the rest of us would be, too. I laid your brothers down as babies that night, and when I came home with you from the hospital, I was greeted by two young men, little boys still, but grown and different, ready to take on their new role but struggling with this new identity and how they would fit in to it. How they have blossomed!
We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 10 am May 9. That morning, we woke up with our family of four, all in the bed, and just spent time snuggling and talking and giggling, anticipating what you might look like, if you would look more like mommy or daddy or one of your brothers. We ate breakfast, I got ready and finished packing my bags for the hospital and did my best to hold back the tears as I took one last look in the mirror with you in my belly and your brothers kissing you, telling you that they would see you soon. We hugged and kissed right up to time to leave, gave MawMaw hugs and kisses, too, and were off to the hospital. It was too short of a ride... only 3 or 4 blocks. Your daddy prayed for you and me, for the doctors and nurses, and the tears came flooding. 18 months of praying for you and in a few short hours, you would be in our arms. I worked to compose myself as your daddy dropped me off at the door and went to park the car. We walked to the door of the maternity ward, pushed the button and to the nurses question of "can I help you?" we responded with, "We're here to have a baby!"
Everything moved pretty quickly after arrival. We went straight in to a nice big room, I put on a hospital gown, and the nurses began asking questions, drawing blood, hooking me up to an IV, and prepping me for surgery. Around 12 PM, the time surgery was scheduled to begin, we were still in the room, waiting for the surgeons to come in and roll us back to the operating room. I had an awful pain in the left side of my belly and the monitor lost your heart rate. The nurse came in to move the belt around to find where you had moved to and I told her of the awful pain I was experiencing. A contraction! I was secretly thrilled. I know that sounds absurd but I had been praying for some normalcy to your birth. And for me, this was it. We found your heart beat again, you were fine, and the surgeons came in to take us back. I kissed your daddy as we left him waiting for them to prep me. In no time, they had numbed me, had me on the table and were calling your daddy back in. As I laid there looking into your daddy's eyes and we talked and waited, at 12:40 PM on May 9, 2019, hearing your first cry was one of the most beautiful sounds to ever grace my ears. You were here. And you were perfect. 8 lbs and 21 inches of pure perfection. In our arms we held an answered prayer, a gift from the Lord, our beloved Ames Mosley.
Another prayer was answered as we were the first c-section to be allowed to recover in our room. You and your daddy were waiting on me and I was able to hold and nurse you immediately. Not 2-3 hours after I was able to move my legs again. But right then. And it was the greatest gift. You were the quietest, sweetest little thing. I don't believe you made a peep then entire hospital stay. You nursed well. You slept well. Like, I said, you were perfect and we were in awe of you. And 4 weeks later, we are still in awe of you.
Your brothers couldn't wait to get to the hospital to meet you. And when they were able to come, only a few hours after your birth, they greeted you with hugs and kisses and you know Ezra couldn't keep his hands off of your face. MawMaw was equally smitten. The boys came to visit you every day we were in the hospital, before and after nap. They ate almost all of my food, I certainly won't forget that, but they were just over the moon excited. Your daddy changed almost every diaper and got up with you all throughout the night. He walked with you, sang to you, and just talked to you. And as I watched him fall in love with you, I was falling in love with him all over again.
The pain from this c-section was the worst, but looking into your deep blue eyes, and with your daddy's help and overwhelming love and grace, only days after, I was over it. What a lesson that pain was, though. I felt so weak. But I was constantly reminded that when I am weak, the Lord is strong. And He was- and is! He was my and your daddy's strength those long months we waited and prayed for you, He was our strength as we hoped for you, He was our strength in every tear and every joyous ultrasound and heartbeat heard. And He is your strength, too, sweet boy. In Ephesians we read, "Be strong in the Lord, and in His mighty power." May you always find your strength in Him, and when you are weak- and you recognize it- only then will you be truly strong. You are so loved. Always have been, always will be. And oh how you have completed us.
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