I should have started writing this long before you were 7 weeks old…truth is, I’ve been a little busy! You and your brother are keeping me busy and I have never been more joy-filled than I am right now. Even as I am writing this, Myles is down for a nap and you are napping on my chest…probably because you just spent the last 30 minutes filling your tummy! Even though you are now 7 weeks old, the story of you coming into this world is just as fresh as if it had happened yesterday…so here goes!
Wednesday March 23…I had a doctor appointment scheduled for 3:45 that afternoon. I noticed an almost full moon the night before and considering your due date was March 24, I sent your MawMaw a text asking her to come on Wednesday instead of waiting until Thursday like she had planned. Boy am I glad I did!! Myles and I had a lot of fun playing that morning. We took a good long nap together that afternoon, waking up around 2:45. The weather was lovely so when we came downstairs, I grabbed the box of cheerios and we sat outside and snacked on them as we waited for MawMaw to arrive. The sun was shining and the breeze was blowing. It was a lovely spring day, and a good day to have a baby I remember thinking! She got to the house in time to say hello before Myles and I left to meet your daddy at the doctor.
It was a routine visit, to check and see if I had dilated anymore or if you would be making your arrival soon. Sure enough, I was dilated to 4 cm. She did a few things to help along labor, I’ll spare you the details, and then the nurse walked in and mentioned that my protein levels were a little high. With the swelling in my legs and feet and the high protein, Dr. Little wanted to send me to the hospital for observation to make sure I had not developed preeclampsia. Daddy took Myles home to stay with MawMaw and came back to the hospital with me. I thought we would only be there an hour or so, but after checking my blood pressure, they decided to admit me. You would be making your arrival sooner than later.
Around 9:30 or so, the doctor came in and moved us to a birthing room and told us to settle in for the night. We could expect you on Thursday. I tried to rest that night, knowing that tomorrow would be a long day, but between contractions and having to go to the bathroom (you really enjoyed laying on my bladder) I got very little rest and even less sleep. I spent a lot of that night praying… for you, for me, for your daddy’s back. We went ahead and got up around 5 the next morning. Daddy showered and got breakfast while I washed my face and tried to do something with my hair. The doctor came in and checked me and was about 8 cm dilated. The contractions were getting a lot stronger and we decided to go ahead and get the epidural. We were expecting you by lunch time!
Well the epidural helped for about 2 hours and as it began to wear off, the contractions were getting super strong. With each contractions, your daddy would rub my feet and legs, that seemed to be the only relief I felt. The nurse told us to let her know when I felt the urge to push and around 11:30 or so, I knew it was time!!
Just a quick side note… Your daddy and I and so many others had been praying my entire pregnancy for me to be able to birth you naturally. It was my heart’s desire to experience that and after Myles’ birth ending in a c-section we knew our chances were not as good but still possible. The week before, we had gone to the doctor and the nurse did an ultrasound to check on your position and see about what size you might be. At that visit, you were head down and face back, exactly what we wanted. You were already measuring 8 lbs 5 oz and your head was measuring 41 weeks…big boy!! We expected you to gain another half a pound within the week. We could see your little fat rolls, and the hair on your head!
So as we got ready to push, I knew you were in the right position but I also knew you and your head were a little big. But, like I said, we had spent 9 months praying for this moment, and that if God willed me to have another C-section, He would make it abundantly clear. At this point, all signs were pointing to a regular birth so we were stoked. I began to push as your daddy counted during each contraction. Your oxygen levels began to drop immediately which worried the nurse. She called in the doctor, and they put me on oxygen. I continued to push. With the oxygen, your levels went back up.
After an hour, I was exhausted. This was looking like a repeat scenario of your brother. We were still hopeful of normal birth. The nurse had called in the doctor to check on me and you hadn’t budged. Your head was so big they couldn’t even tell if you were face down anymore. I pushed for another30 minutes or so and the doctor came in to check me again. We were still in the same spot as when we started. I felt so discouraged. She asked what I wanted to do and I told her I would give it another hour. A few minutes after she walked out, we asked the nurse for a few minutes and I told your daddy that I couldn’t push anymore. I was exhausted, it had been an hour and a half and I just wanted to hold you in my arms. He totally agreed, we cried and we prayed and when the nurse came back in, we told her we wanted to go ahead with the c section. This was around 1:30. At the time I didn’t know it but the OR had to be cleaned and prepped because they had just finished a C-section. It was another hour before they came into the room to get me.
By this point, the epidural had completely worn off and I was feeling every contraction full force. With them being only about 15 to 30 seconds apart, your daddy continued to hold my hand as the 2 of us were alone in our room. I just knew I was going to push you out while we waited. After an hour of more pushing had passed, they came into the room to wheel me to the operating room with your daddy by my side. By now, it was around 2:30. With my C-section with Myles I was totally out of it. I couldn’t stay awake and the details between going to the OR and going back to my room were a little fuzzy, but with you, I was wide awake. Laying on the table and waiting for them to let your daddy back, I just lay there praying for you and your sweet face…that you would be healthy and I would be able to see you soon.
They brought your daddy back, and within a few minutes you were out of my tummy, only they couldn’t get you to breathe. The nurses all got quiet as one of them was tending to you. We didn’t know what was going on but we knew something was wrong as we hadn’t heard you crying yet. I began to sing out loud, He’s Always Been Faithful by Sara Groves. I honestly didn’t know what else to do. I knew that the Lord was in our midst and I had to shut down the lies that satan was trying to whisper in my ear. I had to outwardly proclaim that God was faithful...no matter what.
Tears were streaming down my cheeks as the nurse laid you next to me and said, “Give him a kiss mama, we’ve got to take him to the nursery.” No first picture, no cuddling, no explanation, nothing. They whisked you away, daddy right behind you, and the nurses, too, as they began to pump air into your lungs to get you to breathe. And there I lay, on that operating table, wide awake, with so many nurses and doctors but feeling like the only person in the room. I had total peace that whatever happened, God was in control…it was well with my soul.
After several minutes had passed, I asked if they knew anything, if you were ok, breathing, what size you were, how much you weighed, what time you were born, if someone could tell me anything. The nurse called the nursery and you were fine. Praises to God but you sure gave us a scare. You weighed 9lbs 3oz and your measured 21 inches long. Like I said before, big boy! We welcomed you into this world on Thursday March 24 at around 3 pm. You came in quietly, as I feebly sang out “I can’t remember a trial or a pain, He did not recycle to bring me gain. I can’t remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting His hand. All I have need of, His hand will provide. He’s always been faithful to me.”
Praises to God, your silence wouldn’t last for long as the Lord of Heavens Armies had different plans for you that day! We named you Ezra Fletcher, meaning helper and arrow maker, as the Lord was blessing our family and filling our quiver. On that Thursday, I clung to your daddy’s hand and our Daddy’s promise, that He was my help and that He was doing something magnificent...
Tears again stream down my face as I relive those 4 or 5 minutes, which, at the time seemed like an eternity. I will never forget the feeling of complete heartbreak, hope, and peace all at the same time and I am so very thankful that God decided to let me keep you that day! You are so loved and I cannot wait to see what the Lord does with your precious life!