Pull up a comfy chair, grab a cup of coffee, and be prepared to sit a while...this story has some length to it. I feel it's necessary to share little man's birth story for my own benefit...making myself write it all down helps me to remember each and every moment...and because I believe that God never wastes our trials, circumstances, pains, and joys. I'm certain that I am not the only one out there who needs to be reminded of the faithfulness of the God that we serve...oh and He is ever faithful dear heart.
I am also sharing this so that, one day, when he is older, little man will be able to read the account of his birth. For that reason, I'm writing this post to him.
I am also sharing this so that, one day, when he is older, little man will be able to read the account of his birth. For that reason, I'm writing this post to him.
It has taken me almost 2 weeks to get this all together...partly due to my memory and the large amount of medication that blurred the 40 hours leading up to your birth but mostly because of the sheer exhaustion and emotion that your birth day brought. As you lay here beside me sleeping, each and every moment of that day and the next few days to follow were more than worth it...it brought me you!
Let me just start off with saying this... I LOVED being pregnant. Sure, the last 4 or 5 weeks had begun to get a little miserable, I couldn't sleep because my belly was in the way and comfort was no longer my friend...the fun was wearing off, but knowing that I was carrying you inside of me brought me much joy. With you inside my belly, I was in control of your safety and your surroundings, I was your protection and there was no fear of the outside world harming you. I wasn't ready for pregnancy to be over and you will one day learn that your mama is quite the procrastinator. Pregnancy and my preparation for you was no different. You weren't due until January 16th so I just knew I had plenty of time to finish getting everything together for your arrival.
Wednesday, December 31st, I spent some time at work preparing my list of things I needed to get together for our hospital bag and stay. Your daddy and I had plans to go to Target the following evening to buy everything and pack it up so that once it was time for you to come, we would be ready. Well, little did we know, there would be no trip to Target..but God knew what He was doing. He always does. Wednesday was a normal day at work, I had decided to take Friday off, so that I would have 4 days to get the Christmas decorations put up and to get the house cleaned and in order so that your daddy and I could rest until it was time. Wednesday was New Years Eve and we had some friends who had invited us over for their annual Christmas Tree Burning and to hang out. I came home from work, undecorated the tree while your daddy made a cheese ball, we threw the tree in the back of the truck (there's another story for another day) and went to the party. Normal night, fun times, came home around 11:30, watched the ball drop, and then watched the New Years episode of the OC... We went to bed around 1:30- I actually slept through the whole night, which felt amazing- and we got up around 7:30 Thursday morning.
So it's January 1st, 2015... your daddy went to help some friends who were moving. He was about 45 minutes away. And I was super excited to get the Christmas up, do a little redecorating, and get the house in order. I had finished putting all of the Christmas storage in the basement and was putting the last small Christmas tree in the spare closet in my craft room when my water broke...it was 11:25am. I'm not gonna lie, I panicked a little. I was at home, alone, your daddy was a pretty good distance away, and all of the books we had read and videos we had watched went a little differently than this scenario. In most cases, the labor pains and contractions started, for hours or possibly days, and then the water would break. I called your daddy and told him to come home, not to speed or freak out, but that I thought my water had broken, and that I was calling the doctor. They told me to come in immediately to be checked, so I called your daddy back, he told me to get our bags together and he would be there as quickly as he could. I then called Maw Maw (my mama) and told her to be waiting for the call to drive to the hospital- she lives 3 hours away and I knew it would take her some time to get here. Your daddy got home in what we will call a safe amount of time and we loaded to the car and headed to the hospital. We arrived at labor and delivery at 12:30pm where they took us back to run some tests to see if my water had broken and check and see if I had dilated any..I was possibly at 1 cm but it wasn't much. At 12:59 the tests results came back proving that my water had broken, so we were admitted to a room. I called Maw Maw and told her to start heading this way, that there was no rush, the nurses had already told us it would probably be tomorrow before your were born, and that we would see her soon. The next few hours were spent doing paperwork, getting blood drawn, and getting an IV put in, hooking me up to monitors, and getting situated in the room.
At 6:00pm, the doctor came in to see me for the first time. They did an ultrasound to see that you were head down, which you were, and checked me again to see if I had progressed. I was 40% effaced but there was little dilation so the doctor gave me Cytotec to help begin the process. By this time, Maw Maw had gotten there, and your other Grandma had come, and we had a few other friends stop by to check in on us. At 10:00pm, we got ready for bed, praying for a good night's rest because your daddy and I knew that tomorrow would be a long day. I couldn't sleep...at all. At 12:00am, the nurse came in a gave me some pain medication to try and help me sleep and to reduce the back labor that had started. Two hours later I was still wide awake. The nurse came back in around 2:00am and put some pain medication into my IV. I have no clue what it was but I instantly had to close my eyes. It helped with the pain but I could not turn my brain off to go to sleep. At 4:00am the contractions started getting much stronger, the pain medication had worn off, and I was watching the monitor measure my contractions. With each contraction, I remember praying, thanking God for another contraction which meant I was one step closer to giving birth to you, and asking Him to help me relax through the pain and to allow my body to do what it was created to do. By 5:30am, I was around 6 cm and we asked the doctor to go ahead and call the anesthesiologist to come in to administer the epidural. He arrived around 6:00am and gave me the epidural while your daddy was in the shower. I didn't get to eat breakfast because after the epidural, they gave me Pitocin to help with the dilation.
"God is our refuge and our strength, always ready to help in times of trouble." Psalm 46:1
The next two hours were pretty good, but my contractions started getting much stronger towards the end. The pain became very intense and we asked the nurse to come in and see if everything was OK. The epidural had begun wearing off at this point and the nurses had forgotten to mention the button that I could press to administer the epidural every 20 minutes. We pushed that button, waited 20 minutes and pushed it again...nothing. The pain continued to increase and the nurse told us it would probably take the full 40 minutes to feel the effects of the epidural. At 8:50am, my doctor came back in to check me. I was between 6 and 7 cm and 100% effaced. The Pitocin was working so the doctor was going in to the office for the day. She said she would be checking in with me soon. I told her that I was supposed to have an appointment with her at 9:30 that morning for an ultrasound and that I guessed I would need to cancel. She laughed. At 8:55am, I had the biggest pain yet. We were still waiting on the epidural to kick in. Your daddy kept feeding me ice chips, putting chap stick on my lips, and rubbing my back and hips during contractions to try and provide a little relief and help ease some of my pain. By 9:10am the pain was increasing, contractions were pretty close together and lasting about 20 seconds each. Your daddy was pacing and watching the monitor for contractions...he was so strong for me. At 10:00am, the epidural still hadn't kicked back in so the anesthesiologist came in and administered another dose. All of the medication hit me at the same time. There was a sudden ringing in my ears, I felt like I was in a tunnel, and I got very sleepy. My blood pressure had dropped to 61/34...not good! I remember saying I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought I wouldn't wake up. My nurse was at lunch so your daddy ran to get the head nurse who had to get the doctor to order a shot of ephedrine to get my blood pressure back up. This, along with an oxygen mask, helped.
"But I will call on God and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress and the Lord hears my voice. He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me..." Psalm 55:16-18
I know this all sounds pretty rough...and it was. It was the hardest day of my life, and it only got harder but I want you to know that looking back, I wouldn't have changed one moment. Throughout all of this, sweet child, we prayed. We called out to God for strength and He sustained us. He gave us the portion we needed for the moments ahead and when we felt our weaknesses, we cried out for more of His strength. The closeness, intimacy, and love that your birth brought to me and your daddy is undeniable. We experienced the definition of being that three cord strand (Ephesians 4:12). Your birth defined our relationship, strengthening it more than we could have ever imagined or hoped for, and we both knew that because of the events of that day and because of you, we- both individually and as one- would never be the same...and we wouldn't want to be. This new chapter was far greater!
So back to the story...
At 11:40am the doctor came back in to check on me. Finally, I was at 9.5 centimeters and 100% effaced...it was time to start pushing. Maw Maw went to the waiting room so that your daddy and I could do this together, just the two of us. Before the doctor left, she had to break my water again. We started pushing within the next few minutes and we pushed for the next 2.5 hours. I was exhausted, your daddy was exhausted, the nurse was exhausted. We could see your head but you were not budging. You were face up. The nurse tried to get you to turn but you wouldn't. At 2:30pm, the nurse left the room to get the doctor. Again, your daddy and I prayed...for strength, for you to turn or move, for your arrival, for whatever it took to get you here in our arms. We had noticed that the nurse had been awfully quiet the for the last 3o minutes or so. When she came back in with the doctor, they had me push a few more times. She told us that we could keep pushing but we might be there for days and the other option was a c-section.
At that point, little one, your mama lost it. I just absolutely wilted at those words. Your daddy held me and cried with me, and I begged him to make the decision for me. We had worked so hard and I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be able to deliver you the way I had planned. He asked the doctor what she recommended and she said the c-section. I asked her how long it would take until we got to see your precious face and she said within the hour. We said OK, a c-section it would be, we were both so exhausted and were ready to be holding you in our arms. We cried a little more and then a group or doctors and nurses came in to get me prepped and ready for surgery. They gave your daddy his "outfit" and told him to suit up for surgery. My contractions were still going strong while they were prepping me, so they gave me meds to stop the contractions and another epidural to numb me for surgery. In what seemed like no time, they were wheeling me off to the operating room. Before we went in, we asked them to let us pray first... we cried and we prayed...for more strength, for your and my health and safety, and for God to do His thing. The took me on back and asked your daddy to wait there while they got me into the room and the surgery started.
At that point, little one, your mama lost it. I just absolutely wilted at those words. Your daddy held me and cried with me, and I begged him to make the decision for me. We had worked so hard and I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be able to deliver you the way I had planned. He asked the doctor what she recommended and she said the c-section. I asked her how long it would take until we got to see your precious face and she said within the hour. We said OK, a c-section it would be, we were both so exhausted and were ready to be holding you in our arms. We cried a little more and then a group or doctors and nurses came in to get me prepped and ready for surgery. They gave your daddy his "outfit" and told him to suit up for surgery. My contractions were still going strong while they were prepping me, so they gave me meds to stop the contractions and another epidural to numb me for surgery. In what seemed like no time, they were wheeling me off to the operating room. Before we went in, we asked them to let us pray first... we cried and we prayed...for more strength, for your and my health and safety, and for God to do His thing. The took me on back and asked your daddy to wait there while they got me into the room and the surgery started.
"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises! I will thank you, Lord, among all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds." Psalm 57:7,9-10
Several minutes later, your daddy was allowed to come back. He was told to get his camera ready. He sat down beside of me...we waited and prayed and within about 3 minutes, we heard the most beautiful sound we had ever heard...you crying...and yes, of course, we cried too! I remember looking up at your daddy saying, "In a few days we may feel differently, but for today, that is the sweetest sound I've ever heard." He agreed.
You were born at 3:39 via c-section. You were 7lbs 14 oz and 20 inches long...pure perfection. You were, and are, beautiful and perfect..." You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it." -Psalm 139:13-14
How well we know it!
Your daddy got up and took lots of pictures and videos of you and then they wrapped you up and handed you to your daddy. He laid your tiny little body next to me and you just looked at me so sweetly. I prayed to the God of the universe that He would bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you, that He might be gracious to you and show you His favor and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26) Your daddy sat down and the nurse took some pictures of the three of us...
The three of us...that's what we are now...in a moment we were no longer two but three. It's amazing how one moment can change the entire course of your life...and we wouldn't have it any other way.
This is only the beginning of your story, little man, the story that God is so faithfully writing. I will continue sharing the rest of your birth story tomorrow. Tonight, I think I will just hold you!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Feedback...